Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Oops.

So, I found a youtube channel that does only 10 minute workouts, which is great for me. That's about all the time I can get to myself to exercise. And when I say to myself, I still have Jack tackling me every time I'm on the floor, Cyrus tugging at my leg, trying to stand up.

Monday, I did a 10 minute Jackie Warner work out. The UFC's are tough! Tuesday, I decided to push myself and do a leg only work out. I had watched it prior to doing it, and I felt prepared. I thought that it would be tough, but not so much as to leave me incapable of walking. So I did it. It was a good workout for my atrophied leg muscles. I got through without any immediate problems.

Fast forward a couple hours. I started to feel a little tight in my lower back, but no biggie. At bedtime, I was feeling it. Hurt to bend over, hurt to pick up Cyrus. Crap. I had done it again.

I am notorious for working out too hard. The first time I started going to a gym when I was 21, I managed, with the help of a trainer, to tear so many muscle fibers that my armed swelled to the point of being unable to wear a long sleeved shirt. I ended up going to the doctor because I couldn't bend my arm.

When I was 25, I did it again. Only this time I did it in a weight lifting class. I loved Body Pump, but not after that first class. I wasn't using correct form when doing squats, needless to say, I also wasn't used to doing squats, period. Later that day, I was feeling it. The next day, I couldn't walk. I did it again.

So today. Here I am again. Only this time I did it to my back. You would think that a 30 year old woman would be able to recognize injurious exercises. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to pick up my kid without fear of dropping him when my back seizes up.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sunday weigh in, breaking bad habits, and getting nervous

184.4! I'm especially happy about this because early in the week, I had a couple of days where staying on track was difficult. Monday, I took Jack and Cy to the fair and was there much longer than I anticipated and ended up being ravenous. This may come as a shock to some, but it's impossible to eat a plant-strong diet at the fair. Jack wanted chicken nuggets, french fries, and lemonade. I was able to resist the call of the nugget, but I had some fries. They weren't that great. I anticipated fawning all over them like a long lost love, but I didn't feel like I'd missed them. The only reason I ate them was because I was really, really hungry. The lemonade was loaded with sugar I'm sure, but I must admit that I enjoyed it immensely.

I also discovered almond milk ice cream this week. Fewer calories and less fat than traditional ice cream, but again, I didn't feel like I really enjoyed it. The main reason I got it was because I've been trying to cut out a lot of dairy from Jack's diet. He liked it, so now I know that I can buy that instead of normal ice cream and he feels like he's gotten his treat.

This week was about Jack. I've been having some trouble disciplining him lately and I was beginning to get desperate. I remembered hearing once about finding ways to say "yes" to your toddler. I found fun things to get us out of the house and to make him feel like his needs were being met. I do feel like it made a difference. The problem that I'm having is that I got lazy after Cy was born about being consistent in my expectations of Jack. It was easier to let things slide a little than to fight the good fight every day. Unfortunately, 7 months after Cy was born, we have some very bad habits that have developed. Sometimes I feel like he's in control instead of Brad and myself, and that's what we've been tackling the last couple days. There were some tears, but not nearly as many as I expected. In order for me to have some modicum of sanity, I've got to reestablish that while I do love him and do take his needs and wants into consideration, I am in charge. Not him.

I had a very long conversation with my sister this morning about this. It's good to have someone with older children that can give you the perspective that you can't see when you're dealing with such young children.

So, I have something like 6 days left with hair. The reality is beginning to sink in now that I'm going to be sporting some very short hair this winter. Those who know me, know that I am always cold, and I'm sure that lacking hair isn't going to help the situation.

My goals for this week- 3 pounds lost and exercise in one form or another every day. The exercise will be the challenge. I am not a morning person, and by the time I get both boys fed and sometimes dressed, and get myself fed, clean up from breakfast, and get showered, it's time for Cy's first nap. But, I really want to be down in the lower 160's by my 31st birthday in December. I need to get myself back in the habit of exercising daily again. I feel so alive since I've changed my diet. If I add daily exercise on top of that, I can't imagine what I'll be able to tackle. Marathon?

Thursday, August 16, 2012

What I eat

So, I've had a couple people ask me what I eat since I've cut out meat, dairy, eggs, and oil. The short answer is that I have a lot I can eat. Right now, I have enchiladas baking in the oven. With all the fantastic food in season right now, I've been eating veggie wraps: lettuce, lots of tomato, cilantro, red onion, bell pepper, and brown mustard in whole wheat wraps. Very good.

Yesterday, in an attempt to get Jack involved in the kitchen and give him something healthy to eat, we made chocolate pudding.
Recipe:
1 box of lite silken tofu
1/4 cup of cocoa poweder
1/4 cup of agave
1 teaspoon of vanilla
a pinch of salt

Blend until smooth

He loved it. After dishing his portion out, I added a bunch of raspberries that needed to be eaten to mine and blended it all together. It was rich and chocolatey without the guilt that I normally associate with desserts.

It's ridiculous. I would be sitting at the table, or standing at the counter, shoveling whatever sweet I could get my hands on into my mouth, bemoaning my lack of willpower. I'd swear that this was the last time I'd eat this way, and that I'd start exercising every day....starting tomorrow. I'd hid what I was eating from Jack. The reasons were two fold: I didn't want him to have the junk food addiction that I have, but truthfully, I didn't want to share. My cake! Mine!!

If I need a snack that's easy, I've been eating puffed kamut cakes from Martin's. Given the abundance of tomatoes from the garden, I've been eating a lot of them with basil from the farmer's market.

A friend of mine from high school posted on her blog about seeing her roommate's junk food, and being rather amazed that it doesn't have any pull on her. How well I know. Brad can easily ignore the cake until it's time for dessert, or only have one piece of dark chocolate. And then there's me. I feel like I'm at constant warfare with junk food. I can't ignore it. I feel like it's talking to me, mocking me. Does anyone else out there have this problem?


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sunday weigh in

186.8! I'm loving this new diet. I feel great, less lethargic, and happier. I even got to exercise 2 times this week.

There is one thing that I'm having a hard time saying good bye to, and that's ice cream. I love ice cream. I unfortunately discovered Sweet Bee right before I started this diet and I'm having a hard time pretending I never knew of its existence. Last night, we had some friends over for dinner and we decided to go to JJ's for dessert. I initially told myself that I wouldn't have any. Then I reasoned myself up to sharing something with Brad. I had every intention of doing that until I ordered my own dessert. Oops.

Today I'm going to work on making some food for me to eat off of this week. I've got a busy day ahead of me.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Saturday morning and fall out from Derecho

I love Saturday mornings. Cy slept until 7, which for him is really late. Jack slept a little later, giving both Brad and myself a little bit more rest, which we both sorely need. We then all played in our bed for a little bit. While I don't want Jack in our bed at night now since Cyrus is sleeping with us, I love starting our day with all of us together, snuggled together in bed.

Cyrus was quite surprised to have Brad in bed with us this morning. He kept leaning his head down and to the side as if to better examine him. It was really sweet watching him examine Brad's face.

We're dealing with Jack still refusing to sleep without Brad at night. I know that the Derecho storm that we had at the end of June made Jack feel much more anxious at night, but he started to show some improvement. Then he quickly back pedaled and now he will stay up as late as Brad will, asking for Skits, or Ranger, or whatever he's calling Brad, waiting for him to join him in bed.

Last night, Brad was in Jack's room at least 4 times. I guess it doesn't sound too bad, but he had been sleeping through the night without a problem. I know he's going to be tired later, but I think that this may be the best way to encourage him to sleep alone again.

Part of the reason he's refusing to sleep without company is that he feels loved and cared for and isn't having to share his parents with his baby brother. I try so hard during the day to tell him and show him that I love him, and I know there are days when I fall far short. It's really hard watching him act out and knowing that I just don't have the faculties to handle them the way that I find ideal. I feel sometimes that I have a feral child that I've been given to take care of.

And I feel the pressure of the expectations of others. There are some in my life that seem to think that a firm hand is all I need in order to make my life and Jack's much happier. I just don't think that being hard nosed with him is the answer. He's a sensitive kid and I don't think that hard nosed discipline is the answer. Yes, there are times when a time out is necessary for both of us. Yes, I know I need to help him to learn how to control himself. But I don't want to crush him. I want his enthusiasm for exploration to continue. He can be so much fun. And when we share a laugh together! My heart feels like it will burst with love. I feel bad because before Cy was born, I had all the patience in the world for him and I could take the time to really explain the reason behind seemingly arbitrary rules. Now I feel like some drill sergeant who expects you to behave without asking questions.

As much as my regaining my physical health is important to me, making sure that Jack knows that I love him unconditionally in infinitely more important. I would love to have a big herd of children, but I just don't see it happening for me. I don't think I can handle the guilt I feel multiplied by more children. I feel like I'm neglecting Jack and Cyrus too at times. I think that bringing more children into the world just isn't the responsible thing for me to do.

I'm sorry this post has kind of rambled. It's been written in between naps, meals, and every other imaginable interruption.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Success!

I'm actually excited to weigh in today. I'm 188.8! This is the first time I've been below 190 since being pregnant with Cy. And I feel great! This new diet is really working for me. I can't tell you how incredibly happy I am. I actually fit into a pre-pregnancy skirt yesterday. Although I'm not back to pre-pregnancy weight yet, it feels good to be back in the right decade.

So where does this weight loss leave me? I have 23ish pounds left to go. I have a long road ahead of me, but now having some real, measurable success is giving me some motivation to keep the good times rolling. Cupcakes in the fridge? Yeah, that's great and all, but I'm losing weight, so no thanks.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

New diet

So, have you heard of the Whole Foods, Plant Based diet? I started reading some about after watching Forks Over Knives a month or so ago. This is what I know so far:

-Obviously eat your food as close to its natural state as possible. Cut out all refined food.
-Like vegan diets, all animal products are out. Meat is not a challenge for me.
-It's really low in fat. Absurdly low. No cooking with oil.
-There's a correlation between this diet and generally really good health.

I don't enjoy eating meat. I remember being a kid, sitting at the dinner table, not enjoying the meat portion of the meal. I remember choking it down and really not liking the taste of meat. What I do have a hard time giving up is the dairy component of my diet. I love greek yogurt. I also enjoy pizza. I don't eat a lot of cheese, but I would have a hard time giving it up.

So far, I've practiced a gradual shift to the diet. I no longer use cow's milk in coffee or cereal. I really like unsweetened vanilla almond milk. And as a bonus, so does Jack. I'm eating a lot more fruits and vegetables, and I've cut out a lot of packaged food. I feel like my body is really enjoying the nutrient rich food. A lot of cravings have gone, and I believe it's because I'm finally giving my body what it's really craving.

After Cy was born, I started watching a lot of documentaries on Netflix about food and the quality of food that we as Americans tend to ingest. What we're eating isn't really food. It's no wonder we're craving food all the time because we're never really giving our bodies food. I've watched Food, Inc., Food Matters, Dying to Have Known, Forks Over Knives, and bits and pieces of other food documentaries. What I've learned is that I can get by with less food, so long as I eat higher quality food. This seems like a no brainer, but for someone who's had an intimate relationship with food as a provider of comfort for 30 years, this is a never ending battle. Imagine always having hugs when you've had a bad day, only to learn after 30 years that hugs cause cancer, heart disease, sexual disfunction, diabetes, etc. You know you need to quit, but that hug is so familiar and comfortable and soothing. Can you see my difficulty?

I've found a couple of websites that I have found recipes on that are helping me learn my way. I love Oh, she glows! , Happy Herbivore, and Engine 2 Diet.

As for my goal this week, I feel like I'm on the right track. If my kids will ever feel better, I may even start walking and exercising again.