I am 175.4! This means I am 10 pounds away from my maximum weight goal. I am overjoyed. I'm also fitting back into pre-pregnancy jeans. This past 2 weeks have been really rough here in terms of managing for me, which makes this weight loss surprising.
The past couple of weeks, I've felt mentally exhausted. There's always something that needs to be done. I just don't feel like I can ever relax and know that I've caught up on everything that needs to be done. There is always laundry to be folded, the dishwasher to be emptied and loaded, beds to be made, floors to be swept. I guess I've been feeling defeated by the sheer magnitude of the work load in front of me. So, I've decided that I need to start a schedule; certain days dedicated to certain chores. I've always kind of enjoyed having a lot of flexibility to my week, but I think right now it's rather destructive.
I've also been a crummy friend lately. I haven't been venturing out of the house much except for trips to the grocery store and to Plan B. It's just so much effort to get Jack on board, catch Cyrus between naps, get myself presentable. On Saturday, I was invited to a birthday party for a friend's son. I woke up, mentally ready to go. Cyrus fell asleep about an hour earlier than I expected, and continued to sleep for the next four hours. I should've just woken him up and went, but I feel so socially awkward in situations where I only know one or two people. I felt so guilty about bailing on the party at the last minute. I was invited to join a celebration, and I stayed at home, waiting for Cyrus to wake up.
Last night, as I was waiting for sleep to come, I realized that while I am not "sad" depressed, I am "overwhelmed" depressed, or "defeated" depressed. Although I really enjoy getting out of the house and visiting with my friends, I always have some price to pay. Someone misses a nap and becomes either cranky, or they become unreasonable, depending on who it is that misses the nap.
So, for one month, I am going to put myself out there. I will make playdates for the kiddos and keep them. I will invite people in, and I will get out. I am going to make every effort to be a better friend. I will email people back the same day that I am emailed. I need to make an effort. I know my mental health will be better for it.
Also, for one month, I am going to put my scale away. I will continue checking in here, but I am going to put it away. I feel ruled by it a lot of the time, and so I am going to try and break free from the shackles of the number on the scale. Heaven help me, I will find this difficult. I've always been someone who's checked her weight every day. This will be a big change for me.
Until next time!
Good for you, sis.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know, I feel like I went through the same stages as you're going thru. There was a period of time when I was obsessively cleaning, like every freaking day. My house looked great, but it was a manifestation of my need to get control over SOME aspect of my life when everything else felt out of control.
You're not a crummy friend. You have a lot on your plate. Any real friend of yours already knows and understands that.
ReplyDelete