Sunday check in and a brief history

Okay, so I know that I said that I wasn't going to step on the scale for a month, but that's an incredibly difficult thing to do when you're used to stepping on every day. So, I stepped on this morning, and I was 173.8. I am pretty happy with this, but I wish I'd had the willpower to stay off. I have stepped on the scale daily since I first started losing weight 10 years ago. That's right. I've been on a scale daily for 10 years.

I was always overweight growing up. It was a large part of my identity. I was Sarah, the overweight Bowman girl. I was intensely uncomfortable in my own skin. I never liked myself. I don't think this was unique to me. I remember being in the 180's when I was in 8th grade and being by wearing a size 16 when all my other friends were weighing maybe in the low 100's. Yes, I was about six to eight inches taller than all my other friends, but I was just big. I felt like Andre The Giant and surrounded by delicate beings. I was afraid of breaking my friends.

By the time I graduated high school, I weighed around 200 pounds. I met Brad in October of that year. While still unhappy with my physical appearance, I was happy, no, overjoyed, that someone loved me and found my physically attractive. With our new relationship, came much dining out. And we didn't go to great places. Ruby Tuesday was a regular stop of our, sometimes twice in one weekend.

After a year of dating, I had ballooned. Seriously ballooned. I started having bad headaches that just never went away. I went to the doctor and was told that I had high blood pressure. I weighed 236. I was so embarrassed. I was ashamed. The thing that amazed me the most about that appointment was that the doctor never mentioned my weight as a contributing factor to my hypertension. I was the one who initiated the weight loss conversation.

So, I started watching was I was eating. I had always known that certain foods were bad for me, but never knew how bad they were. I was told to eat 20 grams of fat a day, and no more than 1800 calories. I suddenly was able to gauge how bad my food choices were. I lost weight easily. I had been eating that badly. After a month, I was down to 217, and my blood pressure was heading in the right direction as well.

I lost 50 pounds. I was happy at 186 for a while. But I was still a size 16, and I still wasn't happy. I was exercising, and watching was I was eating, but I wasn't losing any weight. I went to my family doctor, who gave me a weight loss drug. I know that I'm sure some people will have issues with my use of a weight loss drug, but I had been suffering with a stomach problem for years, and it inexplicably almost completely alleviated the symptoms. After being on the medication for 9 months, I went off it weighing in at 151.5.

We got married when I was 23 and I weighed 157.5. (I find it interesting that I remember my exact weight.) After a year, I weighed 163. I decided that I needed to diet, and joined Weight Watchers, and after four months I weighed 147.5, my lowest weight. I had a really hard time maintaining that weight, and ended up gaining it all back by eating Halloween candy.

When I got pregnant with Jack, I was around 165. I had been hanging in about 160, but my dad had been diagnosed with stage IV lymphoma just prior to me getting pregnant, and I'm nothing if not an emotional eater. I gained 40 pounds with my pregnancy with Jack. I was almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight when we found out that we were pregnant again. It was a struggle to get back there, but we were happy to be pregnant.

When I miscarried 2 weeks later, I returned to my old habits of eating junk and stopped exercising. I gained 5 pounds back before I suddenly and unexpectedly found myself pregnant again. I gained another 40 pounds with my pregnancy with Cy, and lost 20 pounds of that quickly: Thank you, 9 pound Cyrus!

And so that brings you up on my weight saga. I really feel like this is the last time that I feel I am going to fit this fight.

And now I have to go as there is a wee babe that is unexpectedly awake.