A Six Week Challenge

Things are finally settling down in my face. I went through a really awkward peeling phase, which was accompanied by a general sand papery appearance. I'm thinking about trying oil cleansing for my face. I've done a lot of online research about the most gentle way to clean faces with rosacea, and oil cleansing seems to be it. No harsh soaps, no weird chemical additives or perfumes, and no drying. I still have some residual redness in my face that hopefully will start to fade now, but it's not nearly as bad as it was just a few days ago.

I've been complaining about how I don't have a hobby. I love spending time in the kitchen, but when you're trying to lose weight and stop obsessing about food, standing at the counter with a mixing bowl in front of you isn't exactly the road to success. About two weeks ago, I had some time to myself. I had already cleaned the house and I still had hours to myself. I didn't want to sit down in front of the computer or the tv. I sit for hours and then have absolutely nothing to show for it, except for the possibility of excessive knowledge in easy DIY hairstyles for hair I don't have and a sore tailbone. Instead, I sat down at our piano. Our piano was a gift from Brad's grandmother when she went into the nursing home. I love this piano. It's small, but beautiful. It fits into our dining room perfectly. I took piano lessons a couple times as a child, but never really applied myself. I love music, but I did not enjoy the prospect of spending an hour or so a day seated at the piano, plunking out kiddie tunes when what I wanted to be was a virtuoso. Alas, I was no prodigy. I stink at sight reading. I rarely count. I have a repetoire of about five songs, but only about the first line or so. When I got up from the piano about 20 minutes later, I felt good. I had exercised my brain and my love of music. We've had the piano for about seven years, but I've only sat at it a handful of times. I dug out what little sheet music I have, and began to play. What amazed me was how much music came back to me. Songs that I haven't played in 14 or 15 year were suddenly being played.

I try and sit at the piano at least once a day. The boys are interested, and will plunk along for a minute or two, but then move onto playing with cars, or doing some art. One of my happiest childhood memories is of my mother playing the piano in the parlor, while we kids were tucked away in our beds. We'd shout out our requests, which were normally this Chopin nocturne. I hope that someday soon, I can provide my kids with similar happy memories.

I feel like my mental health, while not back to normal, is in a good place. I feel like I'm making progress. I do think that warmer, sunnier weather can only help. And since I feel like I'm in a better mental place, I think it's time to start getting myself into a better physical place. Last September, before Sam took that drastic turn in early September, I was losing weight with the Eat to Live plan. It's basically a whole foods vegan diet with a emphasis on raw vegetables. The intense program lasts six weeks. I think I can do it. Brad said that we can take some money out of our tax return and buy some new clothes. That alone is motivation enough. I've been wearing the same summer clothes since Jack was about 18 months old. I just haven't been interested in wearing anything cute when I myself haven't felt that great about myself. I know that I'm my own harshest critic, but I do know that losing 15 pounds would only be beneficial to my health.

So, my plan is to start tomorrow. I'll do my before pictures, take some measurements and all that. I'm going to blog my progress, if for no other reason that to stay accountable to myself. I want to see this through. I lack the willpower to see so many things through to the end. I need to prove to myself that I can actually finish a project. I'm going to aim for physical activity every day. I've been surprised as to how little I move some days. I spend a lot of time standing up cleaning and cooking, and a lot of time sitting with the kids, but not really moving. Hopefully at the end of the six weeks, I'll be more active and more healthy, and definitely proud of myself for following through on something.