As we left Sharp Shopper today, Jack was walking ahead of me. As I looked at this little boy with his shopping bag hanging from his right arm the way old women carry their purses, all I could think of was how much I loved this little boy. His clothes were big, his shoes a little flippy in the heels, his hair stood up from the way he sleeps at night. He had a ball point pen mustache drawn on by yours truly.
He was completely happy with his appearance, and I was happy with him. We've had a lot of ups and downs since Cy was born. There have been more downs than ups, but over the past 2 months or so, we've started having giggles again. And now, I'm happy with being a mother of two. It has definitely been a challenge. Navigating naptimes and meals and competing needs left me feeling drained, resentful, and guilty. It was harder than I had imagined to meet these two little people's needs, and I would get frustrated at Jack for not understanding that there were times that I needed him to be older. Then I would inevitably feel guilty about all of this. How could I expect Jack to be older than what he was?
Cyrus just celebrated his first birthday and I feel that the party was as much for me as it was for him. I made it. I had made it through the first year. All those diaper changes, and all night nursing sessions, and heavy drooling due to teething starting at two months old, all of it--I did it. I made it! I had met all these challenges, and overcome them.
So, as for my mental health, I feel like I'm doing well. There are days that are more challenging than others, but I do feel that there are more better days than not. We've got a rhythm to our days, and every Wednesday, Jack goes over to his grandparents' house. He loves the time to do whatever he wants without being told to watch out for his brother. I enjoy being able to spend time with Cy and getting to know his sunny personality.
So, I'm feeling good today. Maybe it's because Jack's been napping this week, maybe not. All I know is that as I followed Jack out of the store, I was happy.
You, my dear friend, are a wonderful mother. I am so glad to have you as an influence in my life. Your boys are awesome because of you. Thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI can't even imagine raising 2 boys. Seriously, if it were me, I'd shave my head too to preempt the ripping out of hair that would absolutely happen. I'm happy you're happy and I admire what you do :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like it took me a year, too, to even start to wrap my mind around being a mom to two. There are days when I still feel like I'm on day 1 - and Lucas is 19 months old! Here's to all of us who are gettin' it done, doing our best, and raising wonderful kids. :)
ReplyDelete